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Playgroup Mothers

Well the playgroup I go to is fairly small but the problem is I made friends with 1 of the mothers their and this question is for her. There is a mother at playgroup who is overprotective of her children I find this is ok, but she is also very aggressive to anyone who talks to or tries to interact with her children. Now my friend tends to annoy this person everyweek, always indirectly, like the other week she had said to the ladies daughter I don't think your mum wants you to have that, and the mother went right off at my friend. Then last time we went my friends son had spilt some sparkles all over the floor and she was going to clean it up after giving her son a nappy change, but this ladies daughter had already started cleaning it up just as she started givin her son a nappy change, and the mother went right off saying she should clean it up and do it now. Anyways the lady ended up cleaning it up. Now am I right is saying I find this behaviour very rude? It seems 1 week it is 1 rule for her kids and the next week a very different rule. We try to stay clear of this woman and her kids but it is hard in a small group, should I say something to this woman or just leave things??
By: Guest
Date: Thu-Feb-18-2016-
Response
0
Re: Playgroup Mothers
That is a tough one. Notwithstanding that this overprotective mother may have some other awful things going on in her life, her behaviour is lessing the enjoyment of the other mother's and their children (obviously especially your close friend). In our mother's group if one person sees the child A about to slam toy truck into child B's face then the mother that saw it first stops it. If there is a disagreement over a toy, or something that looks like antisocial behaviour, or even a child veering toward a big hot cup of coffee, again, whoever sees it first deals with it. If it means picking up a crying child, or saying 'no' to someone's child that it not your own, then so be it. It is a matter of trust and a shared understanding of what is, and isn't ok. As a result, the kids do tend to listen to any of the mothers and it helps them to gain a sense of the fact that the adults are supposed to be 'in charge'. Obviously this wouldn't work if we all had wildly different boundaries, but everyone seems to have pretty much the same idea of what is and isn't on. I guess what I am saying is that part being in a group situation is that there are basic groundrules and everyone needs to stick to them. It sounds like this lady is stepping outside of what everyone else is comfortable with and making other people feel bad. The next time something occurs, I would say something mild along the lines of "You know, I'm feeling like you're angry with me every week, is there something we can do to address that". Generally, people will back up a bit after this kind of statement. If it keeps happening, well, then you might have to be blunt. I don't think this lady is setting a great example for her own kids by picking on your friend week after week.

[d] By: Guest
Date: Thu-Feb-18-2016
Response
0
Re: Playgroup Mothers
So combining what others have said with my point of view I think that next time she speaks to you that way that you confront her and ask her if everything is okay because the last few times you've run in to her she's been quite aggressive. If no response there, then I'd be assertive and say something like "I'm actually changing my son's nappy before I cleaned it up so mind your own business love I didn't ask for your daughter to clean it" instead of being passive and acting to her demands. What Arna said is gold, it's not just her playgroup and she needs to get real. If your friend lets people talk to her this way and then do whatever they say then she is a part of the problem too because it says that it's okay for this woman to talk to her like that and tell her to do things. If she keeps it up, go to the minister for a chat. They're only really minor things that will probably stop getting to your friend when she sticks up for herself and ignores the mother.


[d] By: Guest
Date: Thu-Feb-18-2016
Response
0
Re: Playgroup Mothers
I'd be speaking to the person who runs the playgroup, and if you don't get satisfaction there, or the situation is resolved, then I would be contacting the people who approve playgroup coordinators.  Yes, even Playgroup has a conflict resolution service. The behaviour this mum is exhibiting is typical of what I call 'overly nuerotic parents'.  That is to say, parents who worry and nit pick over the slightest thing and have excessively high expectations of their own children/friends/family members as well as others.  They are not terribly happy people and often have immaculately kept houses. Try to avoid her as much as possible and when she is rude, remind her that the Playgroup isn't just for her, it is for all parents and if she can't be civil to others, then maybe she should look elsewhere for socialisation.  I feel sorry for the daughter as I can see how she is going to be as an adult, and it isn't pretty.

[d] By: Guest
Date: Thu-Feb-18-2016
Response
0
Re: Playgroup Mothers
The playgroup I go to isnt organised by Playgroup Australia, so they have no control over the co-ordinator. The one I go to is actually run and organised by a church minister, however isn't a religious group. I might talk to the minister as it is getting beyond ridiculous as this behaviour is happening week after week, and has been since I started going nearly 2 years ago.

[d] By: Guest
Date: Thu-Feb-18-2016
Response
0
Re: Playgroup Mothers
It does sound like rude behaviour but i like to give people the benefit of the doubt first. have you considered there might be something happening in her life to make her behave like this- not that it gives her a free pass to be nasty, but sometimes it helps if you can understand the reason behind why someone is behaving the way they are.  perhaps a nasty breakup with the partner, or an illness in the family or some other stressful life event or she may have her own mental illness to deal with.  tell your friend to be honest with the way this other woman makes her feel but only after opening with a comment that might offer a friendly ear to her problems. For example- a mum i know admits to her child being spoiled and overprotected- but i also know that her first child died of bone cancer- a good reason to spoil and overprotect the next child! play group is supposed to be fun.  if it gets too much and too stressful, I would be finding a different playgroup.

[d] By: Guest
Date: Thu-Feb-18-2016
Response
0
Re: Playgroup Mothers
Does your playgroup have a coordinator? Might be a good idea to have a talk with them about how you and your friend feel about this woman and see if the coordinator can have a word to her or mediate something. If not, well... I'd be having words with her myself, and they would start out nice and polite and if she got nasty, well... I give as good as I get, lets just put it that way.

[d] By: Guest
Date: Thu-Feb-18-2016
Response
What is 1 + 100



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