Re: My daughter with her children!! Advice PLEASE
by jultif2 (Today 10:45am) (rank 500+)
I have a 31 year old daughter with 2 little ones,she yells all the time,no control and bites my head off if I say anything.Her GA_googleFillSlot("minti_advice_island_logged_out_300x250"); 5 year old son is absolutely impossible.
You sound like a caring grandmother. This is my advice to you:
1/. Firstly, think : Why do people in general ( not just parents) yell, scream and act like this? What are they feeling? No doubt your answer will be that this person must be feeling angry, sad, frustrated, or something along those lines. Happy people don't behave this way.
2/. What do people need most when they are feeling that way? Think about it.... do they need help, advice, to be criticised, to be told what to do? Consider this: most people who are feeling this way, need support and a thing called unconditional positive regard. In other words, they need you to notice what they do well, they need you to show them you like them, no matter what else is going on. The things to avoid are criticism, complaining, nagging, "helping" with things you are not asked to help with (this might beseen as interfering), or discussing the problem with friends, neighbours, relations (you need to think about her reputation and her privacy, gossip won't help matters) Think twice before verbalising!
You're a person who is well placed to be a strong support to your daughter, you can do this by being there for her.
3/. What is going on in her life? What are her needs? Consider whether she is getting any time for herself, does she have enough money, is her relationship ok?Might she be depressed? Is she finding parenting difficult? If you have time, you might be able to support her by finding resources in the community for help. Look for support groups, parenting courses, play groups.
In my experience, one difficult and active child can drive most parents to breaking point without special strategies and behaviour management advice, and she will be needing support from people who have been in her situation. Please be prudent in the way you deal with this situation because it is one which can cause serious rifts in families.