Think about all the things I haven't yet done or learned...I am terrible at sports, but I would love to be able to run a mile, and I can't do that yet (I'm 38)...I just got married for the first time, so I have alot to learn about being a wife and companion to someone. I'd like to try to become a mother (don't know whether that's possible). I've never been to Turks and Caicos, but I would like to go-it just looks so lovely. I've been working at Weight Watchers for so long, I would like to see myself thin someday (that would be a miracle)!
If you want to, you can find so so so many things you need to do for yoruself before you go. I think you've found yourself in a rut and you're paying too much attention to it, instead of trying to make your life different.
You might need some anti depression meds (they sure helped me at one time).
Here's a little exercise that helped me...every night as you're lying down to sleep, think of 3 good things that happened to you that day. It could be as small as "it was a sunny day" or "someone held the door for me" to something big like "I graduated from high school." You'll be totally amazed at how many wonderful things happen to you ina day once you start training yourself to look for them. I find it a really uplifting thing to do.
Best of luck to you. Today's a great day to start yoruself on a whole new path!